LORD OF THE RINGS:
THE TWO TOWERS

The title of the second installment in J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy trilogy of Middle Earth shenanigans comes from the alliance between Sauron, the evil Lord of all things stinky and his tower in the habernero-like lands of Mordor, and Sarumon, a once wise and good Wizard who has become the Evil Lord's ultimate fanboy in his tower in Isengard. One tower in the east, and one in the west, and all who lie between them about to be crushed and trampled like a dollar store figurine between two sumo wrestlers.

Gulp.

But I like to think of THE TWO TOWERS as the two creators of what we see on the big screen, namely J.R.R. Tolkien himself, and director Peter Jackson. Each one of them is talented enough in their particular craft to make him stand out, but together, they are a force to be reckoned with. We, the moviegoers, are the fearful and cowering people of Rohan and Gondor, humbled in the shadow of these two flanking giants.

So, am I stepping up today, risking the wrath of Tolkien fanatics, and saying that Tolkien's master work is BETTER in the hands of director Peter Jackson than it is in it's original form?

You bet your smoldering Balrog I am.

Taken on it's own, Tolkien's epic and colossal LORD OF THE RINGS series is a pretty decent little story. The man had a remarkable sense of imagination, and was able to create an entire fantasy world that has stood the test of time, and spawned generations of fantasy writers to come. He could give a character, or a race of people, an entire history that unfolded before us like nothing we had ever seen before. But unfortunately, the man couldn't "write" to save himself.

Ok, I've pissed some people off here. Stay with me, I'll explain.

Creating an entire universe of people and monsters and languages and history takes a special person. Tolkien was that person. Yet his writing style can only be described as "dryer than a popcorn fart" or possibly "duller than a soup ladle". It takes a special person indeed to take something rich and imaginative and make it the ultimate sleep aid. The three volumes of THE LORD OF THE RINGS read like a middle-school history text. Suspense does indeed lurk around every corner, but never has a chance to truly emerge. Just when it starts to build, he snatches it all away from us. The man could take entire epic battles and sum them up in two paragraphs, making them seem trivial, and yet he could press onward for chapters and chapters on end to describe the intricate ins and outs of..... walking. As we follow Frodo and Sam on their epic trudge across the wastes of Mordor, we know exactly why they despair, because we are taking each and every step with them in great agonizing detail. When describing Aragorn and his journey on "The Paths of the Dead" (for those who have not read the trilogy, you'll have to wait for the third film), he may as well have just typed "just make something up" and left it all to our imagination. He continues when he should shut up, and he goes quiet when he needs to explain.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading Tolkien's trilogy, but more as a useful guide to achieving insight into the characters rather than for the sake of the story.

The other monolithic tower is Peter Jackson, director of this epic trilogy of films. Jackson has done an incredible job of doing the impossible, taking a huge story filled with slobbering monsters, clashing armies, funky wizards, and hot elvish babes, serving them up at a "summer blockbuster" pace that dazzles and delights, and still wowing the starchy losers who hand out the awards for best picture and all that. Tolkien carefully sewed together the skeletal structure, the muscle, the vital organs, and the brain of this phenomenal story. Jackson gave the monster life.

Tolkien drew the individual animation cells. Jackson put them in a flip book.

Tolkien designed the automobile. Jackson put gas in the tank.

Tolkien wrote a timeless piece of classical music. Jackson had it performed by KISS.

You get the idea.

Ok, now I have REALLY pissed off the Tolkien fanatics. To them I say this: get a job.

But enough about the whole Tolkien/Jackson love child, let's just analyze the holy heck out of this second film.

THE TWO TOWERS, being the middle film of the trilogy, comes across as just that, a middle film. Much like the original STAR WARS trilogy, this "Empire Strikes Back" of fantasy starts off much quicker than "The Fellowship of the Ring" with intense action served at a frantic pace, and ends with even more intense action served at a frantic pace. Each of the separate storylines that the movie must follow, now that the members of the fellowship have gone in different directions, has the same sense of "some heavy shit gonna go down in chapter 3". While the first film had a chance to get a bit artsy in places, the second film really can't devote as much time to character definition, because we have to pack so much more into three hours. That doesn't mean that character development doesn't exist, it just means that characters like King Theoden of Rohan, and Wormtongue, his greasy advisor, have to rely on a less detailed introduction than the four hobbits and the rest of the fellowship got in part one.

So it seems just crazy enough that a film that has less time to play around with in the area of character development, gives us it's most complex and thought provoking character, and he steals the show. While the character of Gollum is important in a very limited fashion in the first film, The Two Towers shows Gollum emerge as the backbone of the story. The combination of live actor Andy Serkis and the best CGI animation on film to date gives us a spectacular performance that holds the whole film together. Gollum is, in a word, perfect. The scenes where he wrestles with the two opposing sides of his personality gave me chills, even if I did have to ignore the people around me who were laughing for some reason. Then again, these were the people with the cell phones and the six ton buckets of hot nachos who brought their infants to see a three hour war epic and expected them to sit quietly and enjoy the show. While Gollum is to this second film what Yoda was to the second Star Wars film, there is nothing........ NOTHING.... funny about him. If you think there is, you have missed the whole point of his character, and should stick to Pauly Shore films, playing with pocket lint, and more importantly, staying home.

But I seem to have strayed.

To sum it all up, Peter Jackson has taken the feel and the pace and everything else that he worked so brilliantly in the first film, and he has created an incredible link to what will undoubtedly be a film that will leave people dumbstruck with wonder. I could be eating my words if "The Return of the King" turns out to be a real turd, but I am willing to take that chance. Jackson took the best that Tolkien had to offer, trimmed away the things that made Tolkien's talent questionable, and has turned THE LORD OF THE RINGS into something it has never been before.

Passionate.

And to the enraged Tolkien-fanatics who are still mad about the first film, I say this: don't go see the third film if the first two made you so angry. This will help keep the crowds down so I don't have to sit next to you and your vile offspring. Oh, and Tom Bombadill was disposable, like all omnipotent beings are.

Deal with it.

Until next time, the balcony is condemned, forcing us to take the long dark road through Moria instead.

Dr. Torgo